Godzilla: King of the Monsters

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“Wait, that’s not the ending?”

Something unusual is going on at our local Taco Bell restaurants.   As L&D reported last week, from all outward appearances the store was closed as we drove past — the interior lights and the giant outdoor Taco Bell signage were dark, yet the driveup line was sprawling into the street.   Turning the lights off in Paree still won’t keep them on the farm, evidently.

As it happens, I was at a different Taco Bell on the other side of town earlier in the week, featuring both an extended drive up line and a massive back up in the interior of the store.  Indeed, the customers and workers alike shared the sour countenance that you might find at the DMV.  At one point, the manager locked the door to prevent further entry and proceeded to hand out coupons to placate those of us who had been patiently waiting for semi-warm tacoesque offerings.  You read that correctly: the manager locked the door to keep customers out.  This is around 7:30 p.m. on a Sunday. Peak taco?

And it came to pass that L&D headed out to see Godzilla: King of the Monsters Thursday night, once again the lights were out and we were having trouble locating the building (even the outside sign was dark), but we evidently were the only ones who couldn’t find the building because once again the line was epic, and only the illumination of the drive up window gave any indication that the restaurant was open for business.  I was driving and L shifted excitedly in his seat to survey the situation.  This was easily the highlight of the evening.

Okay, so I was just going to leave the review at that, but Godzilla: King of the Monsters, while terrible, is not entirely bereft of merit.   The sound is incredible and the credits are astounding — the army of animators (?) and sheer number of FX companies that worked on this defies credulity.  How do they put all of this together so seamlessly?

Well, how did they put all of the effects together so seamlessly?, that is.  The plot, the dialog, and the pacing of the movie started poorly and didn’t get much better.  The script is weak and the timing seems off by a beat through much of the film, despite boasting a number of A-list actors in the cast (Vera Farmiga, Sally Hawkins, Charles Dance).

In fairness, there are a number of potentially interesting aspects of the movie, including:

  • the overt religiosity;
  • the few attempts at humor;
  • whatever the Monarch agency is and its role in tracking and monitoring the beasts;
  • the various’ beasts effects on the global ecosystem (making the news clips in the end credits a semi-highlight for me).

But even with good potential, some good action, and some amusement, the movie is almost completely inane.  On the way to the parking lot, L lamented the fact that there were actually other movie patrons, as this was the best candidate for “L&D Mystery Science Theater” since Kong.

And, speaking of the big guy, evidently he is on a collision course with the big lizard in Godzilla vs. Kong, set for 2020.   I have a feeling we will be seeing that one, though I kind of wish we wouldn’t.

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